


i’m just really tired...

by bowiesoddity



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowiesoddity/pseuds/bowiesoddity
Summary: “i’m just so fucking tired of feeling like this!”
Relationships: Harry Lewis/Ethan Payne
Comments: 13
Kudos: 21





	i’m just really tired...

**Author's Note:**

> i write so i can breathe.

His mind is running at a million miles per hour as he sits on the settee of the lounge, staring at the coffee table in front of him where a full cup of cold tea waited patiently for him.  
He sat there in front of the cup and despite the cold breeze flowing around the apartment- he felt nothing.  
He just sat there and stared.

Harry had wondered into the room a few moments later and Ethan hadn’t even noticed.  
The red head didn’t noticed when the blonde sat down next to him, he didn’t notice when his breathing increased harshly and he didn’t realise he was crying until he felt tears falling onto his hands.

“Ethan?” A voice said, but the voice seemed to be quieter than Ethan’s own thoughts.  
His mind was screaming at him. To run, to hide and never been seen by anyone again.  
He hated that feeling.

He hadn’t responded to Harry, only exhaled rapidly as he brought himself back to real life and he could now hear the rushing cars from the streets below and he felt a hand resting gently against his shoulder. His heart felt like it was about to explode through his ribs and the red head lifted his hands slowly, examining the rapid shaking of his limbs.

“Hey, Behz-.” The voice says again but Ethan only shakes his head as he chokes on a sob. 

“I hate it.” He says through tears and Harry nodded gently, completely unsure of what to do at this moment in time: “I fucking hate feeling like this. Pa-pathetic and weak. I can’t br-breathe and I can’t focus on one thing for more than a minute without getting tired. I feel the need to check my phone every five seconds thinking that I might have missed a message from someone and my anxiety is so bad that I think everyone hates me. I hate feeling so scared and confused. I’m so fucking tired of all of this, I’m so tired all the time and I-.” 

But Ethan couldn’t finish his rambling because there was a pair of arms wrapping around him.  
Harry had pulled the sobbing man close to him, holding him in a tight embrace as Ethan shook violently in his arms and the red head clung to his boyfriend as if the only source of comfort would disappear if he let go for even a fraction of a second.  
They stayed like this for a while, Harry occasionally dropping a gentle kiss to the top of his boyfriends head and he ran his hands through the red heads hair a few times in a desperate attempt to comfort him.

“It’s okay, love..” Harry had whispered softly, finally realising the right words to say: “You’re not pathetic and you’re certainly not weak. Everyone feels like this, okay? Life isn’t perfect, it’s not meant to be. You are strong, you know that and you’ll get through this and conquer it like you have done so many other things in your life. I’ll be by your side, every step of the way. I won’t ever leave you, I love you far too much for that. So does your mum and the other boys. Hell, even my parents think of you as their son and we’ve only been together a few months...”

Harry exhaled softly as Ethan stopped shaking in his arms and his harsh sobs turned into soft whimpers:

“You’re so brave and you’re so amazing. You’re beautiful, kind, funny and that laugh of yours can literally light up the darkest of rooms.” Harry chuckled gently and Ethan relaxes into the blondes body: “I love you more than anything else in this world. We’ll get through this together, yeah? Bog and Behz against the world... just like it’s always been.” 

Ethan nods gently against Harry’s shoulder, “Yeah.” He breathed out slowly, finally being able, to breathe semi-normally: “Just like it’s always been.” He says and Harry leans away slightly to cup the red heads face in his hands. He forces his boyfriend to look at him slowly and he uses his thumbs to wipe away the tear stains on the older males face.

Ethan smiles gently and Harry chuckled softly:

“There’s that beautiful smile.” He says gently and Ethan will forever deny the blush that appeared on his face. 

Harry connected their lips together then, in a slow and gentle kiss that Ethan gladly melted into.  
He felt something.  
He felt love and adoration. He felt safe and comfortable. He felt at home.  
Because Harry was his home.  
And he always would be.


End file.
